"Unable to offer you a position"

I applied to work at Aspen Grove this year... and I didn't make the cut.  I was so sure that I would get in - especially due to the Disneyland job experience; a place like Aspen Grove seemed right up my alley.  I guess I'm just not what they're looking for, aww nuts.

Hopefully this is just a "one door closed to another one open" situation.  I know that I could get a job back at Jamba Juice in a heartbeat if I wanted to... but I really REALLY don't want to.  I'd much rather do something Disney-related, outdoors, or find somewhere they might be looking for a receptionist.  It's really disappointing though.  I'm not sure what to do now.  I definitely want to stay in Provo over the summer, even though it will cost me a lot more than moving back to Heber.  I think my job options are much better and much more available where I am, and this way I'll be able to work through the school year and not stress about finding another job for that period of time when positions are closing, rather than opening.

The only lemonade that comes from this now would be to look forward to another job opportunity.  Hopefully something fun will come my way, even if it's not the same kind of family fun!  I just want to be happy.

In a way this is kind of a blessing.  I had been looking forward to the position I applied for - working with infants.  But the other night I worked with child care for a class - let's just say I was less than prepared to come up with activities for the kids.  I was starting to worry about working at Aspen Grove.  I worried if I'd have the energy week after week to take care of 40 infants/toddlers every day (not alone, of course).  I think for now I'd better work on my people skills - find a job where I can associate more with my peers.

The only thing I ask in my job search - let me find something that is unrelated to food service!!

Independence vs Lonliness

How would you define the difference between independence and being alone?  I experience both on a daily basis.  I love doing things on my own - I go shopping alone, treat myself to dinner, go see a movie by myself, curl up at home with a book, even go to Disneyland all alone!  I like my independence.  I like to give myself a break from people. 

But I also get lonely.  Day after day of doing things alone gets a little mundane and I wish I had someone around to join me in my adventures.  At night I get very lonely when all my roommates are out and I'm the only one without plans.  I might take myself out to dinner if I can afford it - but when you eat out alone you don't have anyone to talk to and it's kind of a short dinner.  You're back home within the hour.  And still no one else is home.  What do you do?  I get too scared to go to sleep when no one else is home - what if someone breaks in and no one else is there to team up with me against an attacker?  I've already eaten so I can't go back out for ice cream or anything.  I can't focus on studying, and no one is online to facebook chat with.

My other question - how do I find people to help me get out of my lonely funk?  People already establish me as an independent person, so they don't usually invite me to go out.  Either that, or my roommates are all out on dates and I'm... not.  Guys just don't ask me on dates.  It's probably due to my independent nature and they see me as a loner who would be a downer of a date.  How do I overcome that?  I'm really not a loner.  I would love to go out every weekend if I had the opportunity.

I think it all stemmed from my 5th grade year of elementary school.  I had just moved from a place where I was very well-known... friends with almost the entire student body.  I always had someone to play with because everyone knew me and I knew all of them.  I don't mean to brag, but I was quite a popular child.  Then I moved to a place where relationships were all established, and it didn't seem that they accepted new-comers very well.  I sort of made a couple friendships... but they weren't very strong and disintegrated within a couple months.  When middle school came I thought things would be easier because it was a coming together of all of the elementary schools in the valley... it didn''t help much.  I was still stuck in the same mess - no one knew me and I had nowhere to turn.  From then on I became very independent and didn't care much if I had lunch alone or would just go straight home after school.  It wasn't until my senior year in high school that I would really hang out with people outside of classes.  By that time, it was too late.  I still haven't been able to change my approach to meeting new people.  I'm still shy and give off an impression of "I don't want to talk to you" when it's really "I don't know HOW to talk to you".

People peg me as a loner because I'm independent.  They see me doing things alone and just assume that that's the way I like to be all the time.  It's not.  I am a people person - I love to be around people, but I am also shy.  I don't always feel comfortable meeting new people when I don't know what to talk about, so they might think I'm stuck up or think I don't want to waste my time or something like that.  Not true.  I just don't have great communication skills. 

I guess I really do know the answers of how to get away from this image - I need to be a leader and invite others to do things.  I shouldn't wait to be invited all the time.  I need to expose to the world my outgoing personality.

Life is good - but life can and should be GREAT!

Guys who make and break plans

Okay, so as you may, or may not know I just visited Disneyland - a place I spent 8 months last year.  A place I worked, met new people, and built lasting friendships.  I had been expecting to spend some time with a guy that I had developed a crush on over those 8 months... a guy who I have been flirt-texting with for the past 6 months that I've been home.  We planned on a date... an actual date on Wednesday.  Never happened.

When my family pulled into Anaheim on Monday evening we (the guy and I) decided to hang out for a little while.  Nothing too exciting - we just went to Disneyland to drop off some of his old work stuff for about 5 minutes then we went to dinner at McDonald's.  Things weren't necessarily awkward between us, but they weren't naturally comfortable either.  That's just me.  I don't have enough dating experience to be very comfortable around guys (one-on-one) naturally.  After our semi-date was over and he dropped me back off at my hotel he realized it was still really early for the night to just be over (it was only 6:45), so invited me back out to do something else.  I was really tired, it had been a long day for me, so I said I'd just see him on Wednesday.

He didn't text me on Wednesday.  Didn't call.  Nothing.  What the heck.  Were things really THAT awkward?  I sure didn't think so.  I felt like a second date would have been better.  Especially if it were something simple like a movie night.  I thought that would have been perfect for our situation.  (Weird as that sounds, I feel like that's how we would have been able to connect the most and give us something to talk about.)

So our family planned to leave Anaheim on Friday morning (this morning).  I texted him Thursday night saying "I wish we could have spent more time together, darn it."  And he replied "aww".  That's it.  Something is not adding up.  I don't want to sit and keep puzzling over this, but it is really annoying.

My lemonade?  Get over it.  I don't see this guy often enough to establish a real relationship with him, and he's actually the complete opposite from what I really want in a guy.  Why am I so hung up on him?  I am really happy being single - I shouldn't let him get me down.  If I want a relationship I should find someone in Provo.  I really should let a guy find me.  I'm not going to be the chaser anymore.  Too much heartbreak is involved in that.

But really... life is good!  I just need to sit back and enjoy.

The Muffin Top - You knew this post was coming

I've never been a skinny-mini, and it's always annoyed me.  Unfortunately for me, I love food too much to have felt like I could really change.  I almost think food has become an addiction.  I know what you're thinking, "Food an addiction?  It's not like you can give it up.  You have to eat or else you die!"  ... or at least something along those lines.

Yes, food is a necessity, but it can become an addiction.  I'm not constantly hungry, I'm not constantly craving foods, but I snack ALL DAY LONG.  It's actually kind of disgusting.  Every once in a while I try to give up the constant snacking.  I try to set specific meals; I try to avoid buying snacks when I'm grocery shopping; yet somehow I still manage to find snacks in my cupboard.  What do you do in that situation?

Now that it's warming up (no it's not, look out the window) everytime I want a snack, everytime I go to my cupboard other than at mealtimes I have to go for a walk, swim, or find something else useful to do (that doesn't involve spending money).  I want to be active.  I want to be a better asset to a team when I get drafted to play a game of basketball with the ward.  I want to be able to climb the stairs from the Smith Fieldhouse to the top of campus without being completely winded.  I want to be able to run a mile without giving up to walk at some point.  I want to be able to reach the top of Timp during a midnight hike in the middle of summer.

And of course, I want to look good.  I know that's not the most important part of being healthy, but it's really what everyone wants.  No one can deny that they want to look good.  Even the slobbiest person in the world looks for their positive qualities - a great smile, nice eyes, whatever.  Everyone wants to look good in some way.  I know I've got good qualities already - I love my hair.  I love my eyes.  I love my teeth.  But I know I can improve.  I want to be able to dress to impress.  I feel like being larger I am much more limited in my options of dressing well.  I don't look good in a lot of styles.  I don't look great in a swimsuit.  I can't stand wearing shorts, and I don't like short-sleeved shirts too much either.

I know a lot of this is just being insecure, but I do need to work on my appearance.  God gave me this body as one of His most precious gifts to mankind, who am I to destroy that gift?  I should cherish it and give it the care it deserves.  I should start treating it more appropriately and appreciatively.

So in my effort to fix this problem I have set some goals for myself this coming month:

1. Limit time on TV and any internet site not being used for homework - become social!
2. Don't eat when bored - go for a walk or do something active!
3. Walk to campus - it's such a nice walk too (especially when it starts getting warmer)
4. Work out every day after class
5. Go to ward basketball every week!

Of course there are more things to do than just those - but that's how it's going to start out.  I'll keep you posted.

Have a great day! :)

Some ways to make lemonade

When life gets pretty rough sometimes here are a few things to cheer me up (AKA Simple Pleasures):

Going to the Temple
Eating ice cream
Wearing a hat
Thinking back on a joke
Talking to someone you've lost connection with
Dancing to Disney music
Writing
Getting mail
Watching old movies
A friend's success
Receiving a compliment
Stretching
Sighing
Singing off-key
Giving service
Sitting on a hill
Feeling accomplished
Making cookies
Seeing boys wear a collared shirt and tie
Flirting
Smell of pine and/or cinnamon
Making lists
Checking an item off a list
Taking off your shoes
Dancing through life
Talking all night
Smiling at strangers
Wearing a hoodie with the hood up
Warm blankets
Cozy socks
Reading
Hugs
Sunshine
Spring warmth
Going for a walk - (in rain or shine)
Hot chocolate
Taking pictures
Being with the people you love
Knowing that a friend's got your back
Walking through Fall leaves
Looking through old pictures
Secret acts of service
Cleaning
Window shopping
Sitting around a fire
Running REALLY fast!
Watching YouTube videos of Disney stuff
Going to Disneyland (alright that one's not really a SIMPLE pleasure, but I like it :D )

There are many more simple pleasures, the list could go on for pages, but for now, I will keep it concise.

Attitude is made of Choices

Yesterday was a fantastic day.  I discovered a new way to make lemonade out of a lemon.

I was in sacrament meeting - I had been feeling really down on myself all day when the last speaker got up.  He said "alright, I know time is short and everyone is watching the clock, but just for a minute choose to wake up and listen."

Choose.

That's when I realized that your attitude and your emotions are choices you make.  You can choose to let something bother you, or you can choose to get over it, or even turn the situation around - making lemonade out of a lemon.  Suddenly I chose to grow up and let some of my drama take care of itself.  I wouldn't let the little things from the week get me down anymore.  This is serious, I just sat there and chose to have a good attitude . . . and it worked!  I instantly felt good.  I wasn't upset anymore about the little things that had put me in a bad mood last week.  I chose to smile, and I felt happy.

I also re-learned that people are much more approachable when they smile.  Sometimes when I'm at church I'll stand in the corner unsmiling, secretly hoping someone would come talk to me to try to cheer me up.  People don't do that.  People want to be happy, so they seek cheerful company. 

I talked to one of my guy-friends immediately after sacrament meeting - we just bumped into each other and started teasing each other; just a little flirting - nothing dramatic, but to a point where I definitely could be into him, though maybe to him it was just becoming a better friend.

As it got to be time for Sunday school to start and I started walking away from this guy to go into my class - he followed me in.  I have never seen him come to that classroom before.  He sat behind me and we talked a little more before the teacher began . . . and maybe a little during the lesson as well.  We talked about Heber and Dairy Keen - he told me he goes up there once in a while and said we should go get a shake together sometime.  I like that idea.  :)

I know I'm probably making this a bigger deal than it should be.  I'm sure that to him we're just friends, but I now have a new crush.

How does all this relate to the title of the post?  Well, this guy probably wouldn't have started talking to me if I had chosen to let him approach me while having a scowl across my face.  He talked to me because I was in a good mood.  Good things happen to people who have a positive attitude.  And my positive attitude came from the choices I made.  I chose to be happy.  He didn't approach me because I chose to talk to him, just because I chose to be happy. 

Attitude doesn't affect our choices; choices affect our attitude.

Saturday nights... Lemons

Tonight I was psyched.  I made 2 batches of cookies (about 8 dozen?)  and cleaned up the apartment... I was ready for my game night!  ... About 8 people showed up.  I guess it was pretty poor planning... I only announced it like last night, I think?  And it's a long weekend so plenty of people decided to go home, but I thought there would be a few more people that would come.  Nope.  LEMON.

I thought it would be a good way to meet more people in the ward that I don't really know yet.  Didn't work out.  Haha, none of my roommates even came!  Poor pathetic excuse for a party if you ask me.

Oh well.  Next time I will plan a little better.  I will let people know more in advance.  I will not have the party on a Saturday night.  Whatever.  Life is good.