Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Desparate Me... Lemon

I hate being the only single girl in the apartment (at least the only single girl with no prospects).  I hate never being asked out on dates.  I hate crushing on a guy, trying to actually talk to him with almost no response.  I hate going back and forth in feelings.  I hate crushing on one guy and having no success while another guy who I'm not crushing on but flirting with is semi-pursuing me, though we both know that no relationship will ever come from that flirting.  I hate waiting around for dates.  (I'll just say right now, if I were a guy I would be out going on dates every week.)  Most of all, I hate being desperate.  LEMON!

Tonight my roommate said, "You deserve a guy who treats you right, who gives you the praise you deserve."  Of course I know she is right, and I know that ultimately that is what I want, but as of right now, I just want a guy.  Just about any guy.  I am so sick of being single.  I know I shouldn't think that way, I should be looking for that right guy who is going to treat me right.  But right now, ya, I'm desperate.  And I hate that.  Maybe if I was surrounded by other single girls I'd be less desperate, but as spring is around the corner and we just had Valentine's day, love is in the air.  You become more aware of couples around you and you feel so alone.  I want a guy in my life.  Desperate me.  LEMON!!

I get so disgusted with myself for being so desperate.  I hate being this way, but I have no remedy ... no lemonade.  The only way to fix the problem that I can see would be to find a good guy that is interested in me.  But how do I go about snatching up a great guy?  Where do I find him?  Classes are a joke.  Everyone is focused on the material - there's no time to be looking around for a boyfriend (or their looking around for a girlfriend).  On campus?  No.  Guys are either hanging out with friends or studying their brains out.  Not going to happen.  In the ward?  Not much potential there.  If I'm comfortable around a guy, we've already established friendship and those foundations are hard (for some) to build a relationship on.  There's a guy that I am crushing on in the ward - but he's my friend, and I don't think he's interested in becoming anything more.

So where else do I look?  If you've got any suggestions, please share.

But it's not just about finding a boy, after I've found someone, where do I go?  I am not well-rehearsed in the art of flirting.  I am shy.  I understand the basic concepts (smiling, touching the arm, yada yada) but I don't know how to pull it off without coming on too strong.

I don't have a lemonade recipe for this lemon just yet... Still looking for that guy.

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