As I was browsing through Facebook a few days ago I noticed on the sidebar where there are usually advertisements I was shown what my status was on August 12, 2010: "My last shift at the Happiest Place on Earth." That means that I've been back home in Utah for an entire year, and oh what a year it has been!
I've had many ups and downs this year. I've had moments where I've dwelt in the past - just wishing I could return to live in Anaheim and work at Disneyland. I've had moments when I've looked to the future - graduating from BYU and establishing a career. I've been torn up inside to have been home alone many nights during the winter while my roommates were out with friends or on dates and I figured there must be something wrong with me - why wasn't I going on dates or making good friends? Finally I got out of that funk when springtime started creeping in and I got out of the apartment a little more with Charlee and her friends.
By the time Summer hit and I switched apartments to be on the courtyard side of the building I felt more at home in the ward and got to know people better. I started hanging out with people a lot more, I started going on more dates - things overall just started falling into place! What had suddenly changed? Me. I had grown a lot more confident in a short space of time. I became a lot more outgoing myself - I hosted movie nights and asked others if they were doing game nights, I was more forward in my dating attempts, and I was outside a lot more so when people would pass by they'd notice me and invite me to hang out. I also made some great friends that were determined to pull me even more out of my shell. If there was ever a group something-or-other going on and I opted out they'd bug me until I said I'd go.
Now fall is approaching. Tomorrow I move out of my apartment back around to the outside of the building. Soon classes will start up again and schedules will change. I will have to put in more of an effort to see and hang out with people. It will be a test of my strength. It will be a test to see just how much I really have grown in the past few months. Will I be able to continue my social life without having other people try to persuade me to join in? Only time will tell, but I am going to try as hard as I can to keep my outgoing attitude alive. I'm going to work at being forward and learn how to better get to know people and establish better friendships and relationships.
There have been many times over the year when I've wanted to give up this life to move back to where I was a year and a half ago - I just wanted to work at Disneyland. Today I don't quite have that same desire. Yes, someday I'd love to return to the Magic Kingdom to spread happiness, but right now I love where I am! I am truly happy! I'm making great friends and getting to know people. My happiness at Disneyland came from my work, not from people. I didn't have many great friends in Anaheim. I had a couple roommates I enjoyed spending time with, but I was usually a loner. After this summer I couldn't go back to that lifestyle. I love where I am now. This year back home has changed me so much. I love who I am and what I'm doing! I can't look back on the past anymore; I will continue to keep moving forward.
