Live. Laugh. Love.

I've heard this alliteration before, I've seen cute signs in homes, and I decided I wanted that as my motto and I wanted to hang a sign like that in my home.  Today I've been thinking of just how much this "saying" applies in my life right now - at this very moment in time.

Live.
There's a quote in the Disney movie Wall-E that on first hearing it seems an oxymoron, but it's a quote I continue to think about and strive to apply in my life.  "I don't want to survive - I want to live!"  We, as children of God, have been put on this earth to live - to learn through life's experiences.  We were given the gift of agency so that we might make our own mistakes and learn.  We cannot grow unless we face life's challenges, risk the safety of our homes and live!  We were not put on this earth to give up our choices, to do only the things that will keep us alive.  Where's the fun in that? 
Living in Utah, particularly "Happy Valley" we are seen as protected - living in a bubble.  Sometimes people look at us almost as if we are all restricted and not allowed to make our own choices.  I disagree.  I see it more as a choice we make.  We can choose to go party and get drunk, or we can choose to be sober and have fun that we'll remember.  We can choose to be intimate and give all we have to offer, or we can save that most sacred act of love for one person who we are truly devoted to.
Living isn't about partying; it's about getting the most out of life.  "I don't want to survive - I want to live!"  I want to have experiences in my life that will last a lifetime - that I will want to look back on and cherish for the years to come.

Laugh.
The past few weeks have been so great!  After a dry spell of feeling down on myself I've decided to let go of my insecurities and have fun.  It's something I always will need to improve upon - everyone could use a little more fun and laughter in their lives.
Today I had to laugh at myself.  I was in my Interior Design class and I'm not sure what inspired the thought, but I decided that my future home is going to be Disneyland-themed.  Not Disney-themed, but Disneyland-themed.  You may laugh, I sure did!  I often have to take a step back to look at myself and just laugh!  I make all kinds of mistakes and words don't always come out the way I meant.  Sometimes I'll atempt to say "shoelace" and it will come out "toe-lash".  Sometimes I say "the water is melting" instead of "the ice is melting."  Laugh!
In the Disney movie Mary Poppins there is a scene and a song "I Love to Laugh".  We should all make that a motto to keep in our lives.  Love to laugh!  When life gets too serious, too stressful, or too sad find something to laugh about!  Trust me, there's nothing worse than being a Debbie Downer.

Love.
This isn't necessarily a romantic kind of love.  "Love thy neighbor as thyself."  My roommates and I have gotten into a habit of saying "Love you!" instead of just "See ya!" when one of us leaves the apartment.  Don't just tell someone you love them - show it!  Love without actions is nothing.  It's one thing for us to just say "love you", but it's another to invite someone to tag along to game nights; to stay up late talking about struggles and hopes; to show how much you care.  Love your family.  Love your friends.  Love people you don't know - give service!  You can even love your enemies - become the bigger person and you might be able to make a new friend out of an old enemy.
Romantic love is important too.  I see my roommates with their boyfriends and I can't wait until I can find that for myself.  Last night Arielle and Hillary were just casually talking about Ezra (Arielle's boyfriend) and how great he is for her.  Hillary started talking about how she missed Nate (her boyfriend) even though she just saw him the night before.  It wasn't a sappy, lovesick conversation - it was a happy one.  One that didn't make me feel bad about being single, but made me know that there is someone out there that is perfect for me, that will make me happy.  Right now I am happy about being single.  It gives me time to focus on improving myself - to find out who I am and what I want to become.

Even though life isn't always perfect, it is amazing.  To make it even more amazing I plan to live life to the fullest; to laugh out loud; and to love all those around me.  These 3 ingredients are all that we need to become who we want to be.  They will bring us closer to our friends, to our families, and to our Savior.  These are the things we must to do to better ourselves, to give us the quality of life we are searching for.

Life is so good.

"Unable to offer you a position"

I applied to work at Aspen Grove this year... and I didn't make the cut.  I was so sure that I would get in - especially due to the Disneyland job experience; a place like Aspen Grove seemed right up my alley.  I guess I'm just not what they're looking for, aww nuts.

Hopefully this is just a "one door closed to another one open" situation.  I know that I could get a job back at Jamba Juice in a heartbeat if I wanted to... but I really REALLY don't want to.  I'd much rather do something Disney-related, outdoors, or find somewhere they might be looking for a receptionist.  It's really disappointing though.  I'm not sure what to do now.  I definitely want to stay in Provo over the summer, even though it will cost me a lot more than moving back to Heber.  I think my job options are much better and much more available where I am, and this way I'll be able to work through the school year and not stress about finding another job for that period of time when positions are closing, rather than opening.

The only lemonade that comes from this now would be to look forward to another job opportunity.  Hopefully something fun will come my way, even if it's not the same kind of family fun!  I just want to be happy.

In a way this is kind of a blessing.  I had been looking forward to the position I applied for - working with infants.  But the other night I worked with child care for a class - let's just say I was less than prepared to come up with activities for the kids.  I was starting to worry about working at Aspen Grove.  I worried if I'd have the energy week after week to take care of 40 infants/toddlers every day (not alone, of course).  I think for now I'd better work on my people skills - find a job where I can associate more with my peers.

The only thing I ask in my job search - let me find something that is unrelated to food service!!

Independence vs Lonliness

How would you define the difference between independence and being alone?  I experience both on a daily basis.  I love doing things on my own - I go shopping alone, treat myself to dinner, go see a movie by myself, curl up at home with a book, even go to Disneyland all alone!  I like my independence.  I like to give myself a break from people. 

But I also get lonely.  Day after day of doing things alone gets a little mundane and I wish I had someone around to join me in my adventures.  At night I get very lonely when all my roommates are out and I'm the only one without plans.  I might take myself out to dinner if I can afford it - but when you eat out alone you don't have anyone to talk to and it's kind of a short dinner.  You're back home within the hour.  And still no one else is home.  What do you do?  I get too scared to go to sleep when no one else is home - what if someone breaks in and no one else is there to team up with me against an attacker?  I've already eaten so I can't go back out for ice cream or anything.  I can't focus on studying, and no one is online to facebook chat with.

My other question - how do I find people to help me get out of my lonely funk?  People already establish me as an independent person, so they don't usually invite me to go out.  Either that, or my roommates are all out on dates and I'm... not.  Guys just don't ask me on dates.  It's probably due to my independent nature and they see me as a loner who would be a downer of a date.  How do I overcome that?  I'm really not a loner.  I would love to go out every weekend if I had the opportunity.

I think it all stemmed from my 5th grade year of elementary school.  I had just moved from a place where I was very well-known... friends with almost the entire student body.  I always had someone to play with because everyone knew me and I knew all of them.  I don't mean to brag, but I was quite a popular child.  Then I moved to a place where relationships were all established, and it didn't seem that they accepted new-comers very well.  I sort of made a couple friendships... but they weren't very strong and disintegrated within a couple months.  When middle school came I thought things would be easier because it was a coming together of all of the elementary schools in the valley... it didn''t help much.  I was still stuck in the same mess - no one knew me and I had nowhere to turn.  From then on I became very independent and didn't care much if I had lunch alone or would just go straight home after school.  It wasn't until my senior year in high school that I would really hang out with people outside of classes.  By that time, it was too late.  I still haven't been able to change my approach to meeting new people.  I'm still shy and give off an impression of "I don't want to talk to you" when it's really "I don't know HOW to talk to you".

People peg me as a loner because I'm independent.  They see me doing things alone and just assume that that's the way I like to be all the time.  It's not.  I am a people person - I love to be around people, but I am also shy.  I don't always feel comfortable meeting new people when I don't know what to talk about, so they might think I'm stuck up or think I don't want to waste my time or something like that.  Not true.  I just don't have great communication skills. 

I guess I really do know the answers of how to get away from this image - I need to be a leader and invite others to do things.  I shouldn't wait to be invited all the time.  I need to expose to the world my outgoing personality.

Life is good - but life can and should be GREAT!

Guys who make and break plans

Okay, so as you may, or may not know I just visited Disneyland - a place I spent 8 months last year.  A place I worked, met new people, and built lasting friendships.  I had been expecting to spend some time with a guy that I had developed a crush on over those 8 months... a guy who I have been flirt-texting with for the past 6 months that I've been home.  We planned on a date... an actual date on Wednesday.  Never happened.

When my family pulled into Anaheim on Monday evening we (the guy and I) decided to hang out for a little while.  Nothing too exciting - we just went to Disneyland to drop off some of his old work stuff for about 5 minutes then we went to dinner at McDonald's.  Things weren't necessarily awkward between us, but they weren't naturally comfortable either.  That's just me.  I don't have enough dating experience to be very comfortable around guys (one-on-one) naturally.  After our semi-date was over and he dropped me back off at my hotel he realized it was still really early for the night to just be over (it was only 6:45), so invited me back out to do something else.  I was really tired, it had been a long day for me, so I said I'd just see him on Wednesday.

He didn't text me on Wednesday.  Didn't call.  Nothing.  What the heck.  Were things really THAT awkward?  I sure didn't think so.  I felt like a second date would have been better.  Especially if it were something simple like a movie night.  I thought that would have been perfect for our situation.  (Weird as that sounds, I feel like that's how we would have been able to connect the most and give us something to talk about.)

So our family planned to leave Anaheim on Friday morning (this morning).  I texted him Thursday night saying "I wish we could have spent more time together, darn it."  And he replied "aww".  That's it.  Something is not adding up.  I don't want to sit and keep puzzling over this, but it is really annoying.

My lemonade?  Get over it.  I don't see this guy often enough to establish a real relationship with him, and he's actually the complete opposite from what I really want in a guy.  Why am I so hung up on him?  I am really happy being single - I shouldn't let him get me down.  If I want a relationship I should find someone in Provo.  I really should let a guy find me.  I'm not going to be the chaser anymore.  Too much heartbreak is involved in that.

But really... life is good!  I just need to sit back and enjoy.